Maybe I'm not already OK at all

domingo, 28 de diciembre de 2008

I don't know if I'm still on my sensitive phase, nor if this gonna be my new self... I can grasp a different background to all the things, movies, songs, that I haven't noticed before; in example, just yesterday, I watched "Hancock" again; the first time I watched it, was all fun and exciting, but now I could almost feel the dimension of Hancock's pain, knowing that he had lost the one single person whom was for him, and the loneliness, that he must felt along the years... maybe it was because it was the second time I watched it, but, I still can almost feel that there's something different in all the love movies, something I didn't grasp before. Early in the morning I watched for first time "two weeks notice" with Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant, and I could felt some kinda weird in the inside, seeing all the development, it seemed like a natural end, or maybe the movie is very predictable.
Sigh

Myself

I wonder if I will ever go back the way I was before all the drama... I don't think so

I'm back (or I think so)

domingo, 7 de diciembre de 2008

I can't believe that I actually cried for her...
But it's all coming back to me now, the sense of purpose, the desire to succeed, the willing to become a better man, a better friend, a better brother, a better son... My goal now is to gain self confidence, I know it's gonna take some time to achieve, but it's what I want to do...
I started to put deadlines to my goals, it's the only way to achieve them, I'm gonna be working under pressure, and become a pursuer, not basing my life on finding the love of my life, but to let her come unnoticed.
I want to meet many women, cos' the more women I get to met, the more chances I have to get to know "THE ONE WOMAN", and that's the main reason I want to gain more self confidence, for losing the fear to approaching women, I'm gonna be rejected, that's a fact, but the important thing is how I mentally deal with that, not getting me down, but to moving on the next.
Whatevs, I guess I'm gonna be back to my normal posting rythm, since I'm OK now.

I hate myself... it's final

lunes, 1 de diciembre de 2008

I'm lost, I know nothing, and I don't know if I did something wrong, nor it was something that just happened neither if I wasn't enough for her.
I'm also drowning in hopelessness. Will I ever be enough for a woman? Will I ever find someone to love and who loves me? Will I ever be all lovey-dovey with a woman? so many lost chances, so many years passed me by...
WHY!? Why did you gave me hope!? Why did you made me believe that my loneliness has ended? You said: "please give me some time to fix all this", so I thought: "Ok, take your time, then I'll be yours and you'll be mine", and out of the blue you say to me, you're gonna marry another guy, whom you just came to know two weeks ago. What was you expecting?! that I'd not crush?! fool!! I cried and cried! Because of my broken dreams! Because I wasn't enough for you! WHAT WAS YOU EXPECTING FROM ME!! I HAVE A HEART!! I'M NOT MADE OF STONE!!
Oh, I just wanna cry. Cry it all! If it's true what all the people say, that there's someone waiting for me somewhere. I call you from here! Come to me right now!... Please save me.